Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
