He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
