She said her name was "party"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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