I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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