Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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