he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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