in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
