she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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