I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
