i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
