i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
