girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
