At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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