Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize