I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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