Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
