i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
