I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
