After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
