I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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