Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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