I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
