Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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