i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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