Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
