I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize