I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
