just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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