I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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