guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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