I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Panties = found
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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