Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
