no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
