I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
