just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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