Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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