my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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