I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
