I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
