my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
