I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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