85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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