I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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