ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
