Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
