im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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