I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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