i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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