She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
