I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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