bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
