Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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