whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
