If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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