My hand turned me down
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
