Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
