i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
