I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
