shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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