You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
