I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
