I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
