I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
