Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
