worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
