I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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