I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
