I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
