So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
organizing the empties. That sober.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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