mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
