I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
