Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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