So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
