OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize