Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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