judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
