who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
