Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
