How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
