i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
