I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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