marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize