JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
