Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Are my feet made of real feet?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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