I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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